Fear and Blank Page

There are moments in life when I'm afraid of looking forward. They dont happen often but they tend to leave me frozen in my tracks and afraid. This week I finalized my goals and aspirations for 2011. As I sat at my desk in my twirly red chair I tried to prepare a post sharing those goals with you all. But instead of my usual flow of words that comes when I try to write, I was only met with fear and a blank page. Fear that I was being unrealistic. Fear that I was trying too hard to have a life I was never meant to have. Fear that I was missing out on something. Fear...

I've avoided my blog for the past few days simply because I was dwelling in my fear and grasping hard to what I knew. I wasnt ready to let go of 2010 and start from scratch in 2011. Yesterday I stumbled upon the photos I took of the lunar eclipse. They're not that great...our photography equipment is for people, not for stars but I like looking at them...grain and all. They remind me of that night and one of the best conversations I've had with my heavenly Father in quite some time. And it wasnt until I looked back over these photos that I remembered that conversation and the incredible weight that I felt was lifted when I finally trudged back inside from the freezing cold to the warmth of my bed and Andrew's arms. That night I surrendered a lot of fear and a lot of control; and yet somehow from then to now, I've picked it back up again.

So now, on my inspiration board are the 4x6 CVS brand photos of that night to remind me of that night and to stop picking my fears back up. What are you afraid of this year? What are you secretly holding on to and refusing to let go?

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

Three Sides, Please

I try my hardest to order something different every time. I try to convince myself that an actual entree would taste just as good. I stare and stare and stare until our waiter asks what I'm having. Almost out of shame, I offer an apology before I order. "Mine's a little weird" I tell him. Usually at this point I either receive a laugh or a blank stare...I take a deep breath and I order my three sides.

My life with you has taken on that same sort of semblance. I timidly offer up an excuse or an apology as to why what I'm thinking or about to ask may sound weird. Usually you'll give me a smile or a blank stare, further prompting me to let you in on my thought process. But when it's all said and done, no matter how strange my request or reasoning, you always seem to accept me and make me feel like the most amazing person in the world.

As I go through life ordering my three sides, thank you for always being there, for loving me, for pretending that I'm perfectly rational and normal even though we both know rational and normal arent in my list of personality traits. I love you...in my irrational and totally abnormal sort of way.

Sarah and Rob: The Engagement

There's a first time for everything. The first time you fall off a bike, the first time you kiss, the first time you call your mother from college because you have no idea what a bundt pan is...and for us, the last session of 2010 held another first: engagement session with a dog!

Sarah first contacted me and genuinely touched my heart. Taking the time to tell me why she wanted us as her photographers, Sarah reminded me of why we shoot weddings and why every smile, every kiss, every dance, every tear, every hug just draws me in. As we got to know Sarah, Rob and their furry little baby Bourbon, and argued about the importance of that extra berry in the four berry smoothie I couldnt stop smiling. We have awesome clients. They're the type of clients that we can just relax with and be silly and talk about our perfect day. They're the type of clients that turn into friends...that on their wedding day, we feel like part of the family, struggling not to cry as the father daughter dance begins, feeling as if we've invested in their story and wishing them all the best.

Sarah, Rob, we cannot wait to join you on your wedding day! And tell Bourbon that he will be missed...his monstrously large nose included!

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

Julie and Thomas: The Wedding

She slowly slipped her hand around the door and tucked it securely into the hand of the man she was moments away from marrying. Those closest to her were silent as they held back tears knowing how precious that moment was. The two stood on either side of the door for just a few seconds, envisioning the other, waiting to say "I do". The longing etched onto his face as he slipped his hand from hers and took his place in the front of the church said it all. They loved; they were loved.

I didnt think the memories would be so strong. As Thomas slipped her wedding band onto Julie's finger, I remembered our own wedding day. Julie and Thomas pledged themselves to one another in the very church Andrew and I not only grew up in but the church that we were married in about two years prior. Seeing the look on Thomas' face as Julie was declared his beloved now and forever, I could barely contain the flood of emotions remembering the way Andrew looked at me as we said forever.

Julie, Thomas, cherish the journey. Take the time to lay in the sand, to eat all the sushi you can, to watch the sunset...enjoy one another to the fullest.

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie