Bookworm

It's been coming for awhile now. I felt it. I tried to ignore it...I tried to push through it. I tried to tell myself that I was stronger than that - that I could press on. But I didn't realize until recently that it was causing me to lose myself.

I'm taking September off; originally I'd planned on August but opted instead for the possibility of fall in September. Now, I realize that I cant completely check out! Orders, emails, inquiries, all that jazz I'm still here. But, from September 6 {today} to September 30th I wont be blogging, twittering, facebooking, or taking on any shoots. I'm taking September off to just be me.

I need to read. I used to inhale books; I would finish a book in a day without thinking. I've read maybe three books these past few months. I want to read every book I can get my hands on. I want to wake up and go to a farmers market. I want to go to antique stores or lay out at the beach. I want to go out with my camera and just shoot things that strike me as inspiring. Not because I need practice and not because I'm shooting a couple or a family but for me. I want to revitalize my garden that's been seeing quite a bit of neglect these days. I want to finally tackle my office redesign. I want to cook something new every night for dinner with a nice glass of wine. I want to sit out on our back patio at sunset with Andrew. I want to experience my life again not as a photographer but as a person. Because I've lost a little bit of my person and it's made me run myself thin as a photographer.

There's this version of me inside my head...I dont know if I can be that person but it's who I want to be. And recently, as I sat at the coffee shop spending time in the word with my Father looking through the life of David that I realized something. My focus is off. David spent a great deal of his life out in creation learning God's heart. He didnt have this vision of the person he wanted to be, the king he wanted to be, or even the man of God he wanted to be. My focus should never be on bettering myself or of being a better version of myself. That's why I feel like I've been running in circles and that the more I try, the more clouded my life becomes. So that person in my head, that Cassie that I've been trying so hard to be? I'm throwing her away. She's not my focus anymore. I'm missing so much by comparing myself to her.

Someone said that it's considered lazy to put up a post saying they were going on vacation or out of town or whatnot. That same person said to pre-plan blog posts to publish themselves so that your online presence didnt just disappear for x amount of time. But you know, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not putting myself out there for a month. The internet isnt going to break down because Olimb Photography is silent for 30 days. So here's to September...and I will see you all again in October.

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie