Theory vs Practice

In theory...In theory, this is exactly what I wanted. In theory, being a full time photographer, working from home, spending my mornings in the Word with my journal and then at the gym before sitting down to editing and album design, in theory, that is my dream job. In theory. In practice, I'm surprisingly frozen. This is what I want. There's not even a single ounce of me that regrets the decision to move into this part of my life with Andrew, the part where I devote my time to building our business, stay at home, have a dog, make amazing dinners...I dont regret this decision. But in practice, I dont know what to do. I feel like I'm standing at the base of this new path. I see where I want to go. I see the steps to get there...but I keep looking back at all that I've ever known. All I've ever known is the 8-5pm job...the sitting at a desk doing mindless work. I hated it. But that hatred, that bordum, that spending 9 hours a day wasting my time googling whatever popped into my mind, doing other peoples work...it's all I've known.

In theory, I'm going to step onto the next lily pad to start crossing the pond. In theory, I know Andrew is right there beside me, holding my hand, ready to catch me if I slip. In theory, that lily pad is my next step. In practice, I've suddenly lost function of my basic motor skills! I dont remember how to tell my foot to move, how to will my body forward to that next step.

In theory, I have a list of things to start on. In practice, I'm terrified to be left alone to get started. Call in anxiety, call it nerves, call it being a coward, but whatever it is. I'm suddenly afraid of Monday. I'm afraid that Monday will come, I'll wake up and stand immobile. I want to leap to that next lilly pad. I want to run, hop, skip and jump! I want this. I want this.

This is the next step in the journey. This is where I'm supposed to be...I think. No, I know. But this is going to take a bit of adjusting.

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie