I'm a peon!

Self realizations are always interesting. Sometimes they give you a nice sense of a challenge and purpose. Other times they leave you laying on your back like a baby whining and feeling like a peon. Self Realization One - I'm always critiquing myself and my work. I cant leave well enough alone. I cant even leave great alone. And if I feel that something is crap, then I beat myself up about it. There's always something to be done differently or better. Self Realization Two - The only way that I can keep myself from going....well....crazy :0) is to make lists. Lots and lots of lists.

Aaah LISTS. Andrew winces at the word. I make lists for everything. Who cant live without a good stack or three of post-its, notebooks, highlighters and pens. And a HUGE refrigerator calendar and a slightly less intimidating version that is pretty much always on my person. It's my second brain. It has a to-do section, calendar, and journal section. Oh yeah, if that baby ever disappeared I would be both thrilled and horrified! Lately my lists have been a bit depressing. Rather than seeing the nice little line items with the perfectly checked square, I'm being taunted by a sticky and notebook paper! There are far too many unchecked little squares on my lists as of late.

And so, I did something uncharacteristic of myself. *Gotta love those moments where you dont know what got into you but you kinda liked it!* I threw the lists away! Okay so I glanced a pick at the things that absolutely had to get done and made note of those (things like bill paying and contract sending and photo editing and album ordering). But I threw the lists away!!

Tonight, after the busy crazy day settles, after I've showered and relaxed my hiney into the heavenly cushions of the couch with a nice cup of hot tea and some mindless tv show or movie...THEN I will make a new list. Then I'll start working my way through my new list ever so carefully. I have NOTHING planned this weekend. On purpose. I want to get through my Cassie things, the things that are just for me. And I'm in desperate need of a nice long quite time with my Heavenly Father. Sad to admit but I havent made time for too many of those lately.

So here's to self realizations, lists and Peppermint Tea.