Completely Honest...Almost.

It may shock you to know that I've re-written this post about four times now. I'll type, save, and then delete. I'll come back and try again and save it...then I'll walk away and come back and delete it. I cant decide how honest to be. Being honest seems like an easy decision. I just dont know how much honesty to share. So...this being my fifth attempt at this blog post, I'm going to just lay it all out there, be completely honest...almost.

So, as photographers around the world are returning home via flights and road trips, everyone's blogs, twitters and facebooks are beginning to show reflections of WPPI. I was definitely one of them. Somewhere between Houston and Ohio, high up in the lightning filled skies, my brain exploded. I typed up my thoughts for a good two hours and had to force myself to stop.

And, in keeping with my attempt at being completely honest, here are my thoughts on WPPI. It was a whirlwind...I felt overwhelmed and out of place. I'm never going to another WPPI without my husband. You see, there's a secret to Andrew and I. I need him. I know there is a train of thought that women should be dependent on their husband and be able to blahblahblah without him. But for me, I cant handle things without him. Sure, I try, to the world I'll look fine. I wont freak out, I wont cry in public, I will on the outside appear normal. But wondering through WPPI without him, trying to grasp hold of why we started this business, of why we love it...was hard without him. He holds my heart in his hand...he keeps me feeling safe and secure. In a world of mass confusion, of thousands of photographer vendors, of photographers that seem to have it all figured out, he creates a buffer. He braces himself against the onslaught of the world and tells me that I'm confident, that I'm creative, that I'm loved, that I'm safe, and that I can do anything. I'm not going to another photography convention without him...

So, the recap. Day one in Vegas: I promised myself that I was going to make the most of everything I was presented with. I wanted to do it all, see it all, experience it all and get out there. Day two in Vegas: the initial shock of Vegas had set in and I was overwhelmed, jet lagged and wasnt sure how I felt about anything. I attended a shoot by Laura Marchbanks {I'll talk about that in a later post} and I posted some pictures from the shoot that I was a part of on Day One. Jamie Delaine, Kristen Leigh, Ally Michele, and Allyson Neely. I felt out of place as I sat in my hotel room but I rested in the images...in editing them, because it made me feel sane.

This is Allyson...I could seriously have taken photos of her all day long. She was so joyful and energetic in front of the camera. And she just has this look about her that's carefree and breezy. I only had a chance to talk to Allyson for an evening but she was definitely one of those peoples I could pour out my life story with and talk for hours.

Hello Ally! Ally was hysterical! She was working the ShootSac booth on the convention floor and is one of those people who is their own sun. I dont think I ever once saw her frown or be irritated or upset. She drew me in and when I was taking photos of her, I just could help but laugh right along with her.

And my other roomie, Kristen. Kristen and I not only shared a room but we fought over the covers every night. :0) Kristen and Jamie are pretty much best friends and they were so funny to watch together. If I hadnt known any better, I would have thought they were sisters. They argued, they laughed, they finished each others sentences. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants anyone?

Things got exceedingly more difficult after this day. But the two shining lights during my time at WPPI, Justin & Mary Marantz and Jasmine Star. I had heard Justin and Mary speak before and I just wanted to listen to them again. They are one of the few photographers that I've ever encountered that make me feel like I can do anything, that I can have an amazing business, that I can succeed far beyond any box anyone could ever put me in. Justin and Mary were a breath of fresh air for me. I did not want to leave the room from their presentation. In their presentation room I was safe. I was safe from the chaos of the photography world outside the doors. And Jasmine's presentation...to be completely honest, I was shocked that I was going to be able to hear Jasmine speak. I have a list of things that I want to accomplish in the next two years with our photography business and one of them was to hear Jasmine Star speak or to attend one of her workshops. So, on Monday night when I had a chance to sit in on her two hour presentation, I was pretty much in awe. Jasmine was real, inspiring, and funny. But after finishing her talk, I left the conference room still feeling overwhelmed. But at the same time, I felt hopeful. Jasmine rose up from a no one who could take a very good photo, to this amazing photography who has won all these awards and is known by just about everyone in the industry. I could make the changes I wanted, I could be an amazing me just as well as she can be an amazing her. There's a quote in Disney's Aladdin that summed up how I felt/feel from that talk. Alladin is trying his best to be someone better, someone he thinks is would be worthy of a princess. But that's not who Aladdin is, and to be honest, he made a crummy fake prince. At one point along the journey, Genie tries to send Aladdin a warning: "Beeeeeee yourself!". I'm kinda shocked at my similarities to Aladdin at this point. And I want to beeeeeee myself!