Hope's 1 Year

I posted a few days ago a sneak peak of a recent shoot. You know, the shoot that made me rethink my existence? Okay, will not my existence but at least whether or not I want to shoot babies. Yeah, that one.

Well, prepare for the cuteness! And cupcakes...I'm still having crazy crazy craving for cupcakes. Now, usually I'd have a cute little story about watching Hope squish, stomp, and throw the sugary goodness. Usually I'd describe how much I laughed as she kept trying to get the sticky pink and green off of her hands only to discover that it actually tastes good! But instead, instead of my cute little story, I'm going to just post the highlights. Because if I'm being completely honest, I still dont know what to do about this...

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

I'm a Horrible Person...

I sat in the hallway gripping Garland close to my chest. I never heard Andrew this sick. I couldnt move. I couldnt make myself turn the corner to be near him. I started to cry as I heard him grow more and more sick. Garland cowered and I cried as we curled up together in the hallway. I'm a horrible person. A pathetic, non-comforting, horrible non-nurturing person. If it were me in there, he'd be my my side. He'd be holding my hair, rubbing my back, telling me I'm okay. But not me. I couldn't bring myself to move. Instead, I just cried.

He's better today...sleeping more than I've ever seen him sleep. I've apologized over and over and sleepily he's mumbled "I'm not upset, I'm fine. I didnt want you in there anyway. I'm fine" But no matter how many times he sleepily smiles, lets me curl up next to him and assures me that he's fine...I still feel like a miserable failure. A miserable, horrible, horrible person.

Surprise?

I did not see that one coming...genuine surprise...shock...and I think I detect a hint of joy? Yes indeedy, I'm quite genuinely surprised.

There's this mold that I put our photography business in. Things that I wanted to photograph, things I definitely did not want to photograph. Things that I would but would prefer not to. Babies were in that category. I did not want to shoot babies. I love babies, dont get me wrong but I didnt get to get the setup for newborns...I didnt want to do the soft-boxes, the flashes, the indoor stuff. I usually shudder at indoor photos. I am not a studio photographer nor do I aspire to be one. I love shooting outdoors, playing with natural light, dodging the suns rays, trying to get them to dance perfectly into my lens and around my subjects. Yes, I did not want to shoot indoors.

However comma! {yeah, however weird that is, I always say "however comma"...something about when I was learning grammar I could never remember the comma so I just started to say it} Anyways, today I walked down the street to my lovely office assistant Megan's house. I'd been toying with the idea of a shoot with her soon to be one year old daughter just to see if I could do it. I dont know what possessed me to try but I just wanted to and Megan was all for it. I think secretly, she loves my random shoot ideas because she knows she's the gonna be the guinea pig until I master it...bonus for her right?

So, as I sit here slightly dumbfounded by the surprise that I actually enjoyed this with my gheto setup and makeshift soft box and flashes, I thought I'd give you a sneak of the incredible sweet surprise that occurred today. And once I sort it all out in my head and get over the initial shock of it all, I'll have the rest of the sugar coated goodness ready for you all in a later post.

Beware, cupcake cravings may occur...cause it took everything within me not to shove one of these into my mouth right along with her!

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

Allison and Steve: Anytime

Nineteen years...I tried to imagine where Andrew and I would be in nineteen years. How we'd look, how we'd act, how many kids we'd have, where we'd be in life. Nineteen years; it seems like so far off. I can daydream about it for days and days, wondering, hoping, laughing...

Allison and Steve have been married for nineteen years and this shoot was in honor of their anniversary. I remember getting the warm and fuzzies when Steve contacted me asking if I could take the time to have a shoot for him and his wife. The hard part was scheduling it without her knowledge because "You see, it's our nineteenth anniversary and she loves your photos...this would mean so much to her and I'd love to surprise her." My heart melted. I didnt care what I had planned that day, whatever it was could be rescheduled because I was going to make this shoot happen.

Throughout the shoot I found myself just staring...watching almost in awe. They moved together, they always seemed to know what the other was thinking and feeling. Even as they pretended to strangle eachother {yeah, you two didnt think I'd post that picture did you!} they just seemed so...completely connected.

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

Our Favorite Things: Burt's Bees

You know, one of the things about living in Florida...bugs. We have tons of bugs. Little bugs, big bugs, even bigger bugs, bugs that bite, sting, and creepy crawl. The joys of Florida. Lately we've been doing a ton of shoots out and about and getting all sorts of bit up. Now, most people get bit by mosquitoes and they're fine...they itch a little, get a little red bump. But that's most people. Me on the other hand, they swell up like something nasty. A tiny little bite and I swell and itch for two weeks. And then I found it. The mother of all bug biting remedies. Burt's Bees Bug Bite Relief! Best stuff EVAR! And there's just something about the smell that brings me back to middle school summer camps...the tea tree oil, lavender, and lemongrass - breathe in the memories.

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie

Drowning

I see it all the time...things that I wish I could be, things I wish I could do, things that I aspire to, people that have "made it". I get discouraged. I find myself drowning in thoughts of what isnt. I say drowning because it feels like fighting a current that's dragging you down. Everything within you wants to just stop fighting...to close your eyes and let the water wash over you and pull you wherever it may. Some days you just want to give up and let it be.

Not all posts are happy. I write blogs all the time that I'm tempted to post and instead, I delete them. Photographers arent meant to be sad. They arent supposed to have bad days or be discouraged. They're supposed to be professional, driven, always pushing themselves to learn more, do more, be more. But I'm not just a photographer...and I have to remind myself of that. Photography is what I do...it's not who I am, it doesnt define me.

The Olson Family: Anytime

She may kill me for saying this, but its something I've always thought since I was like, ten. I remember watching Lisa in our church and thinking "Gosh, she's so incredibly pretty!!" and her personality, well, she's pretty much the less ditsy version of Legally Blonde. I'm not kidding you, this girl is so stinkin smart! She makes me want to run out and get all educated in politics. And then it happened, Kyle came into the picture. You know how Ken and Barbie are pretty much the perfect couple? That's how Kyle and Lisa are. I remember her wedding and thinking that if there were ever a real life down to earth Ken and Barbie, they were it...just a hundred times better!

And then there's Jackson...the adorable little Jackson. I honestly thought I was going to have a hard time getting him to play in front of the camera, but talk about a ham! Together they make one of the most adorable little families ever! And Jackson, I am so totally okay with the fact that I am now forever embedded into your memory as the lady that bought you cupcakes...forever and ever I'll be fine with it!

Dwell in Possibility...
Cassie