I sat in the hallway gripping Garland close to my chest. I never heard Andrew this sick. I couldnt move. I couldnt make myself turn the corner to be near him. I started to cry as I heard him grow more and more sick. Garland cowered and I cried as we curled up together in the hallway. I'm a horrible person. A pathetic, non-comforting, horrible non-nurturing person. If it were me in there, he'd be my my side. He'd be holding my hair, rubbing my back, telling me I'm okay. But not me. I couldn't bring myself to move. Instead, I just cried.
He's better today...sleeping more than I've ever seen him sleep. I've apologized over and over and sleepily he's mumbled "I'm not upset, I'm fine. I didnt want you in there anyway. I'm fine" But no matter how many times he sleepily smiles, lets me curl up next to him and assures me that he's fine...I still feel like a miserable failure. A miserable, horrible, horrible person.
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